"I'm a dirty old male presidential candidate who commits adultery in his heart many times during this speech."
"I'm 72, without Viagra & a fork lift, I'm not getting anything up. I'm just having a tough time keeping straight all the things my handlers have told me to say that contradict my actual beliefs."
"You may not agree with my political views, but give me some respect as a person who's spent a lifetime serving his country, and leave me out of inane polls like this."
"Who is this woman? Where am I?"
