Smear himself with Vaseline and squeeze through the window of his cell
Have Thabo Mbeki stuffed and mounted above the fireplace at Nkandla, next to his stuffed copy of the constitution
Dip Helen Zille in honey and throw her to the lesbians
Ask FIFA to give the World Cup back to South Africa. Bribe them if necessary with used corvettes and never-used submarines.
Invade Lesotho as a warning to the Democratic Alliance
