Should a cheating spouse get custody of his or her children?

FOX - DAY #23 Nice try Ol' Sneaky FOX. Questions about McCain aren't quite like the ones about Obama... LETS QUESTION HIS ASSOCIATIONS. "Should General Wesley Clark apologize to Senator McCain?" This is close, but still not digging away at the other McCain's issues. Still waiting for a poll on ANY of the many questionable associates of John McCain. There are those of us who are not fooled by that Ol' Sneaky FOX. MCCAIN HAS SAID NOTHING ABOUT Charles R. Black Jr., one of his most senior political advisers, who said in an interview with Fortune magazine that a fresh terrorist attack "certainly would be a big advantage to him." His religious connections to Rod Parsley & John Hagee, his ex campaign co-chair, Phil Gramm, who was a lobbyist for the Swiss bank UBS, which lobbied Congress to side with the banking industry on the housing financial crisis, or Clayton Williams... the famed 'woman hater' that he wanted to have a fund raiser with. How about a poll asking how we feel about McCain admitting he is doesn’t know a lot about the economy. Nice try, but still NOT 'Fair and Balanced' news. Still waiting Ol' Sneaky FOX.

OL SNEAKY FOX: What in the hell does McCain, Obama, politics have to do with this question? Your one annoying dope.************************************************************************* ANYWAY; to the question: The only thing I'd be concerned about is that the spouse that was cheating, their lack of morality and integrity would be passed on to the children. The children see what their parents do and take that as ok. I wish that parents would look at what their doing to their kids while performing all these selfish deeds.

The cheating spouse should not get custody --- unless both spouses have been cheating --- then they should have joint custody. POOR CHILDREN. Children need a loving, moral enfironment in which to grow. Too many parents are not teaching morals these days. When our government took prayer out of schools --- many years ago --- this country has been headed toward hell. God Bless America.

Depends on if the cheating was known by the spouse. Some mariages allow for this behavior. Look at Bill and Hillary, she knew and probably inspired his indiscretions.

I hope somebody pops off Obama. I cannot see him leading our country and his wife a first lady since the subject is brought up kinda. Mckain should get an apology from Clark, who does he think he is to make such a snide comment. He is nobody anymore. Mr McKain is going to make an excellent president, at least he has no baggage Obama has to bring along

Ol' Sneaky FOX...can't you read???? what a waste of space you are. no one is going to read your rant, since this is for the poll. no...usually the cheating spouse should not get the kids, since the cheater showed total disrespect to the other parent. not a very good example to the children.

it depends on the situation. children should be considered first no matter what.

Parents are supposed to be setting good examples for their children to follow though life. What kind of example is a cheating spouse? What does that teach a child? That's what is wrong with our world today, lack of morals. We replaced school prayer with guns, respect with foul language. It's just unbelievable our forefathers must be turning in their graves.

It will always depend on the circumstances.

If all things are equal, then the non-cheating spouse should be awarded custody. However, if the non-cheating spouse is addicted or abusive, or other such factors exist, the situation is entirely different. What must be considered always is the best interests of the children, and that cannot be determined by only considering one factor.

comment to "Ol' Sneaky FOX" what is your agenda? You need to find another blog. Whew! I am always amazed at people who will go off topic to shout out their agenda. What a piece of work!

Absolutely not!!! What kind of a parent cheats on a spouse??? No custody should be viewed as a consequence of very bad behavior. Children are not stupid and see much more than adults give them credit for. What have they learned from the cheating spouse??? Not one good thing.

Its a shame that couples put their children in the middle..Thats the price you pay when you screw on your wife. As far as I am concerned, Christy is the better parent. If my husband was downloading porn and my thirteen year old child, found that...He is a unfit parent..Kick him to the curb, and raise your kids

I did not see politics as part of this blog. Who are these idiots? Amazing! Any forum will do, huh?

If you finished 892 out of 898 naval cadets, got shot down by a third world nation, led a wild life when younger; does that give you military expertise to lead American armed forces?

Greta! don't you think that your question is a little too broad? Every case should analyzed on it's own merits. your an attorney. you should know this. this is a bogus question. your fan, roger

Having spent countless hours and a large sum of money to prevent my ex -spouse from getting custody of our 4 yr old daughter, I can say with total confidence that the spouse who selfishly goes outside their vows to fill their sexual desires should suffer the consequences of their actions. The fact that they do somthing to distroy a home in which chiildren are to depend upon to feel safe and cared for, clearly shows lack of concern for the children and all about themselves. The court system hardly ever takes into consideration any/all infedelity. All a person can hope for is to force the other person to back off before the case goes before the judge in court.

remember, divorce cases are always about making the guy out to be garbage. This is exactly what this case is all about. Who cares if they were both cheating? I don't !

Judge should decide who will be best for the children no matter who cheated.

If you cheat on your spouse, you not only cheat on your spouse but also your family, affecting everyone. It (cheating) in my opinion, is the worst thing you could do to your spouse & family. So for me the decision is easy. The one that didn't cheat keeps the children, because they did not cheat on their family.

usually the cheater should not get the children...another matter...does it offend others like me when you hear the empty-headed reporters, like Molly, refer to these animals they have arrested in VT as "gentlemen"? The dictionary defines g as "a civilized, educated, sensitive, or well-mannered man." Neither of these men come close. I think they both have crimnal records, and one is a convicted child rapist. It makes me sick to see a reporter, supposedly educated, misuse the English language in such a way. We gentlemen are greatly offended!!

The cheating spouse should not get custody of the children. The first time my relative cheated on her spouse was devastating to our family. She was given joint custody of the their child but I feel she shouldn't have because it was easier for her to cheat the second time on her third husband. This is doing great harm to the child -- 10 years later.

Maybe courts should start a new trend where in all divorces that no one gets the kids. Put the kids in foster care where they will have a loving home and is not about hurting one another monetarily or through the dirty laundry. I think the outcome would be very different in all divorce cases. If you can honor vows and stayed married maybe both are unfit.

it is always a case by case basis. While may spouses cheat for the thrill or to try to recapture whatever, some are genuinely excluded from the others life and feel completely left out and alone. I have been on both sides of the equation. Neither is very good.

ROGER: You obviously don't have children. I think that often times men get the bad end of the deal when it comes to "who gets the kids", but to state that you don't care when its about defenseless children who are caught in the middle of all this garbage is sad to me. This is a general question and why are you being defensive thinking its about a cheating "male" spouse. I know many women who cheat and in those cases I say (as a woman) give custody to the man. If a spouse can't keep her / his pants on and instead of getting out of the marriage has an affair DURING the marriage I don't think the child should be with a less than moral parent. Those are the things that start a child down the wrong road; believing the 10 commandments mean nothing!

ROGER: You obviously don't have children. I think that often times men get the bad end of the deal when it comes to "who gets the kids", but to state that you don't care when its about defenseless children who are caught in the middle of all this garbage is sad to me. This is a general question and why are you being defensive thinking its about a cheating "male" spouse. I know many women who cheat and in those cases I say (as a woman) give custody to the man. If a spouse can't keep her / his pants on and instead of getting out of the marriage has an affair DURING the marriage I don't think the child should be with a less than moral parent. Those are the things that start a child down the wrong road; believing the 10 commandments mean nothing!

it is always a case by case basis. While may spouses cheat for the thrill or to try to recapture whatever, some are genuinely excluded from the others life and feel completely left out and alone. I have been on both sides of the equation. Neither is very good.

Since Ms. Binkley has four marriages and three completed divorces and one in process, something make be wrong with her as well. That being said maybe the cheating husband should get Joint Physicial Custody if he was a fit parent. That may be suspect however. Nevertheless, the husband should not lose total custody of his adopted children. He did adopt the children so he had a relationship with the children I suppose. The U.S. is paying $122 billion a year for Divorce and Unwed Births. Although this divorce will likely not cost the taxpayers anything 90% do. Groups for Equal Parenting will arrive in Washington DC on August 15-16, 2008 for the DC Festival. The website is www.DCRally.com

Maybe. A cheating spouse doesn't necessarily equate to being a bad parent...

Impossible to answer yes or no. Without the known circumstances this is a ridiculous question. We'd need specifics! This certainly isn't like you Greta!

Unfortunately, a bad husband/wife does not necessarily a bad husband/wife make.

The fact that a spouse is cheating has everything to do with their relationship with their spouse and nothing to do with their ability to be a good parent.

Yoiu never really know why a spouse is having an affair - are they lonely? Is their needs not being met by their spouse? Many reasons so you should look at all that.

When considering full custody of children, many factors should be taken into consideration. This includes the physical and mental health, criminal background, and the monetary ability to support the child(ren). If either parent is found to be physically/mentally unfit, that parent should be disallowed custody. In addition any parent with a criminal background consisting of more than two traffic violations per year should be considered unfit, especially when the child is under thirteen years of age. The reasoning for this is the fact that children are very impressionable and should be taught that with any action there is a consequence. There is no reason why this should not apply to a divorce as a result of a cheating spouse.

Why would you trust a cheating spouse to be a good example for his children. Absolutely I don't think that a cheating spouse should have custody of anyone!!!!! They don't deserve it.

Let me rephrase (tired) - ...does not a bad father/mother make :)

What a gripping question...who gives a damn about this divorce!!! We should be talking about how Barak Obama plan to destroy this country. A not qualified, shady junior senetor from Chicago that guilting the American people into voting for him!

There is No excuse for adultery. If your marriage is bad go to counseling, see your Minister or if nothing can help get a divorce. Cheating never ever does any good at all. AND it teaches your kids that the way to handle problems is by deceit and cheating. It isn't whether the parents love their kids but they are the first adults that kids look up to for how to handle their own lives. I guess being a Christian its as simple as pie. I've seen what happens to kids (experience) when one parent cheats. Its horrible and something that the kids have to live with for the rest of their lives EVEN THOUGH the parents loved them. CHEATING IS NEVER EVER AN OPTION OR AN EXCUSE!

ALAN: Talking on a blog isn't going to solve anything but VOTING will! This is just a general question about cheating & divorce. It isn't about anyone in particular. Just a change from politics nightly.

Each situation is different. I was the cheating spouse in a 20 yr marriage that was crumbling for years and that I stayed in it simply for the sake of keeping my children with their father. He was emotionally abusive toward me and completely financially irresponsible.He was clever enough to conceal the above from the children, but they increasingly saw my spirit deteriorating. He and I separated eventually because I could no longer live that lie and the ongoing marital woes became visible to everyone around us. We amicably agreed to joint custody and the children have live with me for the last 7 yrs. One just graduated from college and the other is an honor student. Their father has virtually no contact with them. I was the cheater without question, but in the end, I was proven to be the better parent. Therefore, until you have walked a day in someone's shoes, please refrain from being judgemental. However in Christie's case, this man's obsession with porn and the children finding it, would be concerning to any parent. I pray that the courts rule in favor of whats best for the kids, not for the parents. God be with them all.

GG: For some of us the answer is simple. There is never ever an excuse for adultery. If you can't stand our spouse, leave! Don't put your children through cheating, lies, and hatred! SIMPLE AS PIE TO ME! Of course I'm a Christian, so the answer is simple.

You can't really give a straight 'yes' or 'no'. All the facts need to be examined. My parents divorced in 1974 and the basis for the divorce was adultery on the part of my father. In those days almost all custody issues were decided in favor of the mother and I was accordingly 'awarded' to her. My father tried to address the issue with the judge, but was shut down even though my mother had a tendency towards spousal abuse and also towards my by then adult sister and me. Back then I was deeply hurt twelve year old because of my father's infidelity. Now I look back and can say with all honesty that my mother was not being a true wife to him on many levels and he felt the need to find happiness elsewhere.

Getting custody of the children with a cheating spouse may be more complex that it appears. There can be many variables to which parent would better serve the children. Example, you might want to know if the cheating spouse is cheating because the other spouse is on drugs all the time. Hence, things are not always as they appear. You have to assess the situation with as many facts you have available, before you prejudge the person(s) involved, etc.

COLLETTE: I've been the cheater and the cheated on. There is never never never an excuse for adultery. The Christian thing is to get out of the marriage. I think its cowardly to look outside the marriage BUT stay in and use "children" as an excuse for that. Your very lucky your children turned out well, BUT even with good grades you may never know whats truly truly in their hearts and whether they think you morally justified. Children usually don't say anything so as not to hurt the parent. At least I've seen them NOT tell the cheating mother or father their true feelings. You may never ever know whats deep in their hearts. What you did was wrong and all the excuses in the world won't make it right. I've been down that road and I was just as wrong. I no longer make excuses for what I know was a terrible mistake. I should have gotten out of the marriage.

No excuse given, just details of the situation. FYI, to this day, my ex nor my children ever knew. Trust me I know because had he ever known he would have fought me on custody tooth and nail! I travelled extensively, nationally and internationally and was careful enough to never leave evidence. I felt unloved and lonely and ended up with someone who loved me dearly, even proposed to me after I divorced to which I said no. Trust me I am not proud of what I did and I am very well aware of how lucky I am that my kids turned out OK. They are very loving well adjusted, kids. They are also very vocal about everything. My oldest w/o question would blast me if he knew. I made the mistake of staying in a loveless marriage for the sake of the kids, but I am thankful that I realized that I would do more harm than good by staying. There are no guarantees on any outcome, but i do believe that both my kids are just fine. In fact one just came down and said goodnight, followed by a big hug and kiss. I love my kids and know that despite my human flaw, I am the better parent. Hands Down.

Rene Marie is hiding behind the excuse of "artistic expression". Why couldn't she be proud to sing the National Anthem of the United States? Remember what happened to Imus? He insulted “one” ball team. This woman insulted “millions” of Americans. "The Black NATIONAL Anthem"? THERE IS NO BLACK NATION! IS THIS WOMAN CRAZY? I did not know there was a Black National Anthem. Where is this black nation? Do we need a passport to go there? Are Hispanics allowed in the Black Nation? Exactly here is it? This singer opened up a can of worms. It's the black anthem ... period. She should have sung the traditional national anthem and announced she wanted to sing "Lift Every Voice" afterwards. If she has a problem with the National Anthem, then she could decline the invitation. This was not just poor taste --- this was a real shame. She was more than unprofessional. I might have believed she was drunk. The message she sent was certainly selfish and divisive. Now she has to "deal with it", as she says. An apology would be the considerate thing to do. Being considerate of others does not seem to be one of Rene Marie's qualities. She chose her own race as more important than all others on this occasion. This kind of shame will stay with her. Many Black-Americans would be offended if a country singer got up and sang "Dixie" and declared it an alternative national anthem. I see this rendition as nothing different. As hard a song as it is to sing, the “Star Spangled Banner” is our “National Anthem”. Think about it this Fourth of July. God Bless America.

I don't want to teach my children that they can be rewarded by cheating on your spouse.

The case of Christy Brinkley isn't the 'common' cheating on the husband's part. The 'girl' was MUCH younger, he bribed her to be quiet, and his overall behavior isn't something she wants her kids around. So, in this case "NO" the cheating spouse should not get custody. What is best for the kids is what needs to be the primary focus. However, in the world most of us live in, the cheating spouse (especially if the cheater is a woman) can end up getting the kids anyway. Each case has to be looked as a whole. Sure glad I'm not a family Judge!

I believe that it depends on the circumstances. People make mistakes. Someone can cheat on their spouse and still be a good parent to their children. Cheating on spouses is between the adults and shouldn't have anything to do with their children.

If the spouse is unfit in determining the difference between right and wrong in marriage, then allowing this type of behavior raising children will only confirm this, at the expense of the children. Save our children!

This is such a generalized question. How can you possibly answer this question without knowing the parties involved. A person, male or female, could be in a horrible marriage dealing with emotional or physical abuse. If you are unfaithful, the person you're having an affair with might end up being your next spouse. Maybe this person would be a much better parent to your children than the person you're married to. Each case needs to be judged individually.

Please, Christie Brinkley is no victim here. Four marriages end in divorce? I guess her beauty is supposed to sustain the marriage? No sex? Would seem to appear that way. No excuses for the lecht that was her husband. But people usually cheat when one or both of the spouses loses interest, but he, she or they do not want to lose the relationship because the sex is no longer interesting. I do not know what the answer to the question is, but I wish we could be less judgemental and bible-thumping and instead work on more ideas that will help couples that are bored sexually to NOT cheat and have a fullfiling relationship. Go Great. Former Liberal who loves ya!

Marriage is a commitment, and requires focusing on another person other than themselves. Allowing the cheating spouse to have custody will only confirm to the children that behavior is acceptable. There is no way that having an affair and commiting adultery against God is going to have any positive outlook. The situations concerning any cheating spouses are irrelevant. Everyone has free will to continue or end any unfit relationship. We need to stop making excuses and start making correct desicions.

I don't think that the government should make a custody decision based upon a civil union. The fact that one of the individuals in the union looked outside of this union (see marriage) for whatever reason should not be evidence towards the welfare of the child. A divorce is a legal document submitted to the government, period. The disbanding of a union or marriage is a choice and decision by the two parties involved. It should not even be a concern of the government until an unfortunate custody battle determines what is in the best interest of the child. That is the person who is ultimately the victim in this epidemic. Look at the current stability and character of each individual and make an educated decision based upon the facts. NOT upon personal belief.

I never cheated on my husband even if we are in a miserable marriage. I thought that cheating meant lying - and when you start lying you dig yourself in a hole. I am still married to my usless husband because of the kids - but they see and feel we are unhappy. I do believe the kids need a role model. If the husband cheats but is very discreet about it, it may be OK - if the wife is never home and is on the road a lot that is something the courts should consider as well. In this particular case she is never home (I assume). He is on porn sites and has extra marital affairs. He says he has been taking care of the kids more than her but because his porn web addiction, his son got to see it. So I think in this particular case the kids should go to the mother. The hubby get visitation rights with the expicit request he has no women at the house and he stays off the port sites while the kids are with him

I never cheated on my husband even if we are in a miserable marriage. I thought that cheating meant lying - and when you start lying you dig yourself in a hole. I am still married to my usless husband because of the kids - but they see and feel we are unhappy. I do believe the kids need a role model. If the husband cheats but is very discreet about it, it may be OK - if the wife is never home and is on the road a lot that is something the courts should consider as well. In this particular case she is never home (I assume). He is on porn sites and has extra marital affairs. He says he has been taking care of the kids more than her but because his porn web addiction, his son got to see it. So I think in this particular case the kids should go to the mother. The hubby get visitation rights with the expicit request he has no women at the house and he stays off the port sites while the kids are with him

COLLETTE: Its good your kids didn't find out. I didn't raise any kids but that still didn't make my cheating ok. Its against God's law and as an adult I should have known better, but thank goodness for God's forgiveness. We all make mistakes and its wrong either way. I just hate to see kids suffer because of the dumb stuff we adults do. Good Luck To You & God's Blessings!!! Your kids sound great and there is absolutely NO reason for them to ever know. Thats between you and the Lord.

COLLETTE: Its good your kids didn't find out. I didn't raise any kids but that still didn't make my cheating ok. Its against God's law and as an adult I should have known better, but thank goodness for God's forgiveness. We all make mistakes and its wrong either way. I just hate to see kids suffer because of the dumb stuff we adults do. Good Luck To You & God's Blessings!!! Your kids sound great and there is absolutely NO reason for them to ever know. Thats between you and the Lord.

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No. Because they're too busy to raise kids, thinking about theirselves and have too much to do trying to please their new hookup. The kids real emotional needs are not of consequence to this person, if they were, they would not have had the affair while married to start with. That, starts emotional turmoil and begins a bleeding, selfish, time consuming river tearing up the lives of everyone. It is the best thing to get completely out of the marriage, go through a logical emotional adjustment period for your children, before drawing someone else HEALTHY, MATURE, KIND, EMOTIONALLY READY FOR YOUR CHILDREN, into your life. That, is LOVING your children.

CORINE: If you come back to this site, just know that all of the bloggers that posted to Greta's questions out here on polldaddy were posting on a separate link that has nothing to do with the legitimate GREATWIRE.COM. All of the questions that we all posted to are gone. I found an large image of GRETA on polldaddy and clicked on the string underneath. Every question by Greta that was once out here and now gone, is accessible and still open for posting. But none of the bloggers that answered those same questions on this polldaddy site having postings under those same questions that I just read. It is a completely different set of bloggers. I didn't realize that all postings to her questions were not integrated with polldaddy. I'm going to try and not make the same mistake again. I feel as if we all have been posting to a black hole. :-)