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Favorite quote

"What does that look like to you?" "A unicorn fighting a werewolf. It’s the ultimate battle!"

I scout for the Yankees in my off time

"This is your process? I spent hours on the phone and you let your crotches be your guide!" "And yet we get the job done."

But that would be the ass end of my life, the crappy years, right?

Listen to me: This is the first and last time you will EVER hear me say these words, but we shouldn’t be drinking tonight.

the local villagers hung her from a tree for consorting with the Devil. Surprisingly perceptive for a bunch of clods with pitchforks…

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