Would you turn Brian's first prologue page? Be tough. Comments help the writer.

2 Comments

  • Nicola - 14 years ago

    Whilst I really like the premise of a wizard about to be banished, there are a few things here that would stop me reading on. First is the random capitalisation of words like 'magical' and 'wizards'. Second is the choice of names. Both of these - for me - give this writing an amateurish feel. But these are definitely fixable!

  • Dai Alanye - 14 years ago

    Almost but not quite, for me.

    Some random comments:
    "Blight was to be banished. is stronger than "Because Blight was to be banished."
    Names are important. "Huckabee" reminds me of a certain politician, taking me out of the story for a moment. "Blight" makes me wonder if this is an allegorical tale.

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