It was a close call for me. I was drawn by the story questions (why was she kicked out and who kicked her?) I thought the ten feet of steps and the bolt in the wooden door described an intriguing setting and I wanted to know more.
Opposing these, there were descriptions that did not quite work for me, along with some unnecessary adverbs that 'punted' my focus out of the narrative. One that stood out for me was '...she palpated the spot...'. Saying 'palpated' instead of something simpler like 'felt' or 'rubbed' did not add to the description. Instead, where the story questions drew me forward in the story, this phrase drew attention to itself and took me out of your narrative.
It was a close call for me. I was drawn by the story questions (why was she kicked out and who kicked her?) I thought the ten feet of steps and the bolt in the wooden door described an intriguing setting and I wanted to know more.
Opposing these, there were descriptions that did not quite work for me, along with some unnecessary adverbs that 'punted' my focus out of the narrative. One that stood out for me was '...she palpated the spot...'. Saying 'palpated' instead of something simpler like 'felt' or 'rubbed' did not add to the description. Instead, where the story questions drew me forward in the story, this phrase drew attention to itself and took me out of your narrative.
Hope these comments help.
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