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Would you turn Dan's first page? Be tough. Comments help the writer.



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2 Comments
Mysti
2009-11-13 18:24:47 ET

I liked this - and also said it's "almost" a page turner. Pioneer Square in Sea-Town has the right mystique for a story like this. The last paragraph is what bogged me down. Would also suggest less description, breaking that area up to keep the momentum moving forward. Not a fan of this sentence: "They made four corners of a square with him in the middle." - Wasn't in the rhythm of rest of story - maybe mod or drop it? Good luck w/ this - you've got something here!

2009-11-14 17:47:21 ET

It seems like the start of every other FBI/double agent/selling governement secrets out there. Tell me something about this guy who's waiting. Then I might be interested.


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