Wow, I loved the piece after Ray's editing. (Thanks Ray!) It really showed how the writing could be cleaned up and made me feel that, with those changes, I would turn the page.
karri - 15 years ago
i thought that it was very interesting. i would like to see where this story goes. i diss agree with you john, how the writer introdused the characters description was a good way.. i must say better then the way i happen to do it. ------ k.m.m.g
J.C. Towler, Jr - 15 years ago
I felt a disconnect between the description of "eternal optimist" and what followed, which was basically pessimistic: "expectations were set pretty low" "That meant he was running short on time, and with it the number of opportunities available to him." I also find using a mirror to sneak in a description of a character to be a shop-worn device, particularly if it happens early in a story.
--John
Wow, I loved the piece after Ray's editing. (Thanks Ray!) It really showed how the writing could be cleaned up and made me feel that, with those changes, I would turn the page.
i thought that it was very interesting. i would like to see where this story goes. i diss agree with you john, how the writer introdused the characters description was a good way.. i must say better then the way i happen to do it. ------ k.m.m.g
I felt a disconnect between the description of "eternal optimist" and what followed, which was basically pessimistic: "expectations were set pretty low" "That meant he was running short on time, and with it the number of opportunities available to him." I also find using a mirror to sneak in a description of a character to be a shop-worn device, particularly if it happens early in a story.
--John