The first paragraph was great except for this sentence: His smell hit her senses with familiar warmth. Just cut it out. I reread it a couple times and still don't know where the smell came from - the robe? the couch? he stinks so bad that she smells him before the door opens? That sentence took me completely out of it. That said, the rest of the first paragraph was well written and made me want to find out what she needed to tell him.
However, Eva and Lily need to be postponed. Four names on the first page are too many for this reader.
No, but it had potential.
The first paragraph was great except for this sentence: His smell hit her senses with familiar warmth. Just cut it out. I reread it a couple times and still don't know where the smell came from - the robe? the couch? he stinks so bad that she smells him before the door opens? That sentence took me completely out of it. That said, the rest of the first paragraph was well written and made me want to find out what she needed to tell him.
However, Eva and Lily need to be postponed. Four names on the first page are too many for this reader.