People say they wait to have sex with the person they love, but if you love them, then why don't you marry them? I mean, if it's love you shouldn't worry about much of the stuff they marriage brings if you love the person and they love you back. But in reality, most of the cases, it isn't love that you gave your virginity up for. Why do it for that fake love? Also, if a person says that sex is simply the physical part of a relationship and doesn't have any emotional connection, well that's just bull. Tell that to the all the women who have gotten raped. They're physical scars are healed, but their emotional ones aren't. Sex is a powerful thing, and it's not ment to be tossed around.
ps. I have met much more people who have regretted having sex than people who regretted no having sex.
Lisa - 14 years ago
I have been with my boyfriend for several years. Not having sex with has made him love and respect me fully. The girls he has been with before, he has slept with and the relationships have not lasted more than a few months. In a way, you could say that he has changed.
FACT: a guy is more likely to cheat on you if he has slept with you before marriage as he has already got the one thing he wants from you.
God has said no sex before marriage NOT to deny you but to save you from many issues - infidelity, unwanted pregnancies, sexual diseases. Your body is a temple of the holy spirit. Don't abuse it.
My friends that have done it before (guys and girls) have all said that sex is over-hyped. Once they did it, they thought "is that it!?"
Rebecca - 14 years ago
I waited to have sex until I was several things: A. old enough and mature enough to behave responsibly before, during, and after sex, B. In a committed, monogamous relationship with someone whom I love and trust, and C. able to have open, honest, and mature discussions with my boyfriend about our sexual histories, what is okay and what isn't, etc. I consider myself a woman of high moral fiber. I have a strong faith in God. I do believe society today is oversexualized--sex is looked at far too casually. But at the same time, it is demonized by the other side of the issue. I will be able to tell my future children that I made a smart decision by waiting until I was mature, in love, and comfortable before I had sex, but NOT necessarily married.
arold10 - 14 years ago
Premarital sex affects marriage in a negative way far more than abstinence. Think about all the emotional baggage someone carries in his/her marriage.
Rosi - 14 years ago
Hi I'm 23 and proud to say I'm still a virgin. Waiting doesn't guarantee a marriage will last forever. Waiting to have sex after marriage is a personal choice that may or may not have to do with religion. For me its a little bit of both. I think so many people have premarital sex because we see it everywhere and we are constantly exposed to it. We let our curiosity get the best of us and sometimes we end up dissapointed. It is hard to wait to have sex after marriage, but it also depends on how committed you are to your decision.
Evan - 14 years ago
55% people say they are waiting until marriage 50% divorce rate...coincidence? maybe, maybe not
Belial - 14 years ago
I'm a wiccan my choice to save sex for my husband was not due to religious belifes as in my religion it's not demanded. However i'm 21 years old and I am very comfortable with the choice i have made. I have a fience who while he did have a few sexual relationships before we met has respected that I want to wait and has stayed with me for a little over 2 years, and has also respected that i would like to finish my degree before planning a wedding. I would like to respond to the comments in which people state that it's only because of religous views that people choose to abstain that is just not so. I didn't want to get pregnant or get an std thats not difficult to avoid if you don't have sex.
Dawn - 14 years ago
Good for you all those that waited and are waiting to have sex before getting married! That is awesome! I am a chastity educator and I go into schools and talk to kids about chastity and saving themselves for marriage. You would not believe how many kids are relieved to hear that you are allowed to wait! In today's society kids are told you have to have sex in order to fit in but that is just not true! And this is not just for kids, but for adults of all ages. And there is so much research out there to support this (just look it up, research it, make sure you go to reputable sites, be smart in your research, don't just take anyone's opinion - not even mine!). There are so many benefits to practicing chastity!
If a person waits until marriage to have sex (either by being a virgin or making a commitment to renewed chastity/secondary virginity), that person will experience greater physical, mental, financial and social benefits than those who do not wait until marriage (again, I got this from researching). Leading a chaste lifestyle makes all the good qualities in a person even better. Chastity gives you the opportunity to develop more self-control and self-discipline because it takes these qualities to lead a chaste lifestyle. These qualities alone will help a person throughout their life and have tremendous benefits in the future (financially, mentally, physically). Developing more self-control and self-discipline also leads to more faithful marriages and better relationships with friends and family (again taken from the latest research). Be smart, keep your pants on! There are STD's that are spread just from skin to skin contact so you don't even have to have sex to get one of these STDs (HPV being one of them - the leading cause of cervical cancer).
And for those of you who say you are having sex outside of marriage and do not have any regrets, that is fine for you to say now and that may be for the rest of your life. But you do not know the consequences of your actions now. You don't know how it will affect your future - you may end up with an STD, you may affect your future fertility (you may end up infertile so if you ever decide to have kids in the future you will be unable to by your own means), and you may also regret it when you do have children of your own one day and have to look them in the eyes and tell them about the things you regret. Or you may not have any regrets - but you just cannot know right now for absolute certain that you will not regret an unmarried sexual decision you made right now.
KJ - 14 years ago
My husband and I both waited to have sex until marriage (including anything like oral, etc.), and while I know it is not the mainstream or popular thing to do, I wouldn't change it for anything. We waited until we had fully committed to each other, after dating for a long time and when we were sure of what we wanted. Once we made that commitment official, we didn't look back, and have just worked hard to make our marriage work. We were able to give our whole selves to each other. I personally feel that it has made our marriage that much stronger to know that we are that committed to our values and to each other. I can honestly say it was worth the wait.
Peter10 - 14 years ago
@Dom
You can still contract STD through oral sex Herpes and HPV.
Dom - 14 years ago
I'm waiting till marriage for sure. Of course, I'm only human, I'll probally will give into oral sex and other kinky things, HA! But I do see it different from real sex, obviously. Divorce and marriage, that's a whole different story, but who really bases their marriage off of sex. If I get divorced, which I hope that I won't, is just a loss, I get it, but then I guess I'll just have to wait till the next time I get married. I'm not gonna risk and STD or getting preggers, and I don't care how much protection is out there, and doesn't always work, and it won't protect me from regret.
Shelly - 14 years ago
I am a 33yr old Female who chooses to wait till marriage. Mainly becuase of my faith and upbringing but even if I remove the faith factor I cannot give myself to someone so completely and they be committed to me. No birth control method is 100% effective and there is always the possibility of pregnancy and not to mention STD. I live in one of the most liberal states in the US and persons tend to watch me as though I am growing horns whenever I say the V word...Capewind don't worry whoever God has in store for you will be revealed to you in His time. I trust Him as well for my partner. I live according to His word and I am not ashamed of my choice to live pure.
Rob - 14 years ago
Wow...lots of comments both for and against. Let me say from personal experience that waiting until marriage was one of the best decisions we ever made. During our time of courtship, instead of spending time in the sack, we had meaningful conversations about what was important to us. Our time together was limited, as we were both working, single parents, so we spent months getting to know each other. Pre-marital sex oftentimes can cover up serious personality differences. The "afterglow" of sexual activity can cover a multitude of sins, no pun intended. We spent time learning each others hopes, dreams, values, likes, dislikes, etc. It is too easy to overlook differences in potential mates when a sexual relationship starts too early. I would be interested in seeing how many of those divorced had pre-marital sex. I'm betting most if not all. There is a reason God wants us to be in a fully commited relationship (marriage) before engaging in sex. This act is where "two flesh become one" and it is so personal, so giving, emotional attachment (especially on the part of the woman) will doubtlessly be the outcome. Ladies, if you want to know if a guy truly cares for you, don't sleep with him. The shallow ones will flee. The guys worth having will stick around. There are more of us out here. Don't compromise your standards.
Peter10 - 14 years ago
Well i would say study does show that people who waited are more likely to have happy marriage than those who did not wait. in fact academic studies show that the more premarital partners you have the lower your chances of marital satisfaction.
Sandra - 14 years ago
Delaying sex till marriage works for some people. But it's no guarantee of happiness and safety, and it's not for everyone. My parents waited, and they've been happily married for 36 years. My aunt and uncle waited too, but they disagreed over how to raise kids, and while they were mad at each other, he went out and had an affair and then came home and gave my aunt gonorrhea. Now they're talking about divorce as soon as their kids finish high school.
People marry or divorce for many reasons. Loneliness. Depression. Love. Religion. Great sex. No sex. Boredom. Curiosity. Because their parents expect it. Money. Children. Because they can't be bothered to learn how to balance a checkbook, change a tire or do laundry. But one thing is true of all marriages: they take work. Don't get married and expect to stay that way unless you are willing to worry, fight, compromise, learn, change and grow with your partner.
I've had a fantastic, safe sex life with several partners since I started having sex at 23 (and I'm glad I waited till I was old enough for it not to mess with my head too much). I have never been pregnant, remain disease-free, and maintain a rich sexual, intellectual and creative relationship with my best friend who is also the love of my life.
How? I know my own body, how it works, what it needs and how I meet those needs. I only ever had sex when I really wanted to, with people I trusted and knew well, after we'd both gotten fresh STD tests and turned up clean. I track my menstrual cycle (which you should do anyway), take birth control pills, buy condoms. I know where to get emergency contraception if I need it (which I never have). I am comfortable having conversations with my gynecologist.
And I harbor no illusions about sex and love. Sex can certainly make you believe you're in love when you aren't. No, you shouldn't use sex to control people, to make someone stay who otherwise wouldn't. It doesn't work. It is absolutely special and different when you really are in love with your partner. It brings you closer. But it can also be fun when you're just in lust. Lust can lead to love, and continue hand-in-hand with it.
Staying a virgin may seem a lot simpler, but love and chastity alone will not make for successful relationships and a great, safe sex life. To live happily ever after, you still have to use your brain, and take responsibility for your own happiness.
kristy charnock - 14 years ago
Someone made a comment about people who wait to have sex are the reason for high divorce rates. Well you need to learn to read data that in front of your face. Reread that graph...It says:
43% are waiting meaning they are not married yet
5% who are married did wait
31% stated that they didn't wait
Ok so the 43% of people want have nothing to do with current divorce rate because they aren't married
Now 5% waited....this is a small amount of people...but if you look at statistics christian families and catholic families have lower divorce rates...this is beause they have waited to have sex.
Now look at the people who didn't wait...the numbers were higher than those who did wait now look at divorce rates....which are at 47% I'm seeing a link here.
peter10 - 14 years ago
Dear Maddy i would strongly encourage you to wait because there is a big difference between love and lust.
Love is kind.
Love never fails.
Love always wants to give.
Love is patient, love can wait to have sex in marriage.
Love is something someone wants to do for you.
Lust cares only for itself. It will hurt, deceive, destroy, lie and anything else it has to do to sustain itself.
Lust is something someone wants to do to you.
Lust is not patient; lust can never wait to have sex in marriage.
Lust always wants to take.
Adrienne - 14 years ago
I am a Christian and no longer believe in waiting for marriage. Waiting is not right for me being a grad student with no expectation of marriage for at least the next three years, or more. Sex is healthy, natural and safe when proper precautions are taken. Premarital sex doesn't make me any less Christian. The experience that I've acquired being sexually active will make me a better wife and more rounded person.
Anonymous - 14 years ago
I have compassion for all the people who's hearts have been ripped out of their chest through having sex before marriage. I don't hold judgement against anyone. Infact I know that there is forgiveness in Jesus Christ!
YOU can start over right now! Jesus loves us HE wants to help us succeed and he will if we let him.
Pray this prayer with me if you would like to recieve Jesus as your Friend,
Lover, Lord, and Savior...
Father I come to you I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God.
I recieve him into my heart. Give me the strength to live for you. Thank you that I am saved I will enter heaven's gates one day my family and I in Jesus Name Amen.
Congradulations you are saved...
This song will encourage you by Hillsong United it's called "Lead Me To The Cross" by Brooke Fraser...check it out on YouTube... see you in this life or in the New Jerusalem!
Maddy - 15 years ago
I'm 22 and waiting until I get married as well.... It's a hard thing to do, especially when every guy I have dated has dumped me becuase I wouldn't give in on the first date, or a few weeks after I've known him. Makes me think maybe I should just have sex in order to actually maintain a relationship, and if the wait is actually worth it. I don't really know what to do. It really does go both ways - once you're married, doesn't mean you can't get a divorce - then you have had sex with this person already. It's hard to trust anyone nowadays.
ME - 15 years ago
oh and I don't believe in anyone judging ie people that have had sex mocking us for waiting and treating us like we're weird because its not "mainstream" or its considered old fashioned etc. And I don't believe in people with my values judging others.
Everyone should just respect eachother as long as you're a good person. It is very hard to live this life so try to be nice to people especially when you're attractive female and get lots of offers - it doesn't mean we're robots and don't have desires. We just try to live true to our principles and that takes strength especially in a world full of temptation.
ME - 15 years ago
hi,
I'm waiting till marriage i'm 28 and i'm finding it harder to do so as the years go on. The last relationship I loved the guy but after 8 months it cracked between us and I was relieved I didn't sleep with him even though I was tempted to on many occasions. Your partner if they really love you and want to marry you will wait around if not then good luck to them. I did feel insecure as well that he was comparing me to his ex as he had sexual relationships. Its a difficult situation hope I meet the right one soon.
CapeWind - 15 years ago
I'm a 34 year old guy and have been waiting for marriage. Problem is that I haven't found that right person yet and I am getting a bit worried. After all the pool of available women I have to choose from (assuming I remain in my age cohort) generally have a great deal of relationship and sexual experience (not to mention the possiblility of having possibly had children or another marriage already) and If I look to date someone much younger, there may be generational issues I have to deal with. I actually don't know what to do.
Chanelle - 15 years ago
I am deffinatly waiting until i am married. Its a huge deal to me and many girls. I want to give all of myself to my husband and i want to be able to tell him "I cared enough to wait." It is also clearly in the bible that sex should be kept between husband and wife. Ive heard sex is overated and im sure it is so i will just wait until im married and it will be much more special. There is always an awesome guy out there looking for a "good girl" so why not wait. Also i know MANY people who really regret it, I want to live with as little regret as possible. but hey its your life do with is as you wish.
Ingird - 15 years ago
I have sex with my boyfriend, and we're not married. Sex is wonderful. It's how we finish arguments, it's how we celebrate things, it's how we have a good time and it's how we cheer each other up. I love him, he loves me. We're not dirty, we don't have STDs, I've never been pregnant. We're emotionally secure in our relationship. I used to dislike my body, as did he, but having sex with each other has made us more secure in ourselves. Don't fight your natural instincts. Have sex.
Dsting - 15 years ago
There is nothing wrong with having sex before you are married. Choosing not to have sex before you are married is somewhat contrived and arbitrary. You are making this up to fit in with your religion . You follow none of the other rules.
Do not confuse having sex before you are married with promiscuity. Do not get married just to have sex. This is a bad situation. And please use a condom regardless.
Moses - 15 years ago
Because Of My Relious Belief, I'm Waiting Until I'm Married! All The Type Of Girls I Been Around Didn't Though. So I Can't Say I've Had A GF Since The Type I Been Around Have Never Been What I'm Looking For.
P.S.
Girls If You Think It's Only Unattractive Guys That Can't Get No Action, YOU'RE WRONG! Cuz That's Me ---> http://www.yourchristianspace.com/MOS3S Am I Ugly??? LOL
annoym. - 15 years ago
well, for me it's really important for to save and wait until you get married I get married to my lovely husband 4 yrs ago, I save my own until for my husband. if the guy to respected you that mean either your married will last longer, what ever you do right now for your self, in the future your Kids will do the same. the value and mortal of yourself it a piece of GOld. your kids will respected to you more.
DESHON MICHEAL FOBBS - 15 years ago
WELL I DONT HAVE DICK..I THINK. LOOK DIZ WUT HAPPENED WHEN I WUZ A BABY THE DOC. WUZ SUPPOSE 2 CIRCUMCISE ME N THA MUTHA FUCKA CUT 2 MUCH OFF...SO NOW IM WALKIN AROUND MY JOBB WIT A 1 INCH DICK. I STILL GONNA PURSUE MY DREAM AS A PORN STAR.
genna - 15 years ago
I have the disease Vulvodynia so sex with my bf and soon to be spouse isnt even an option . Sobs
Go to http://www.nva.org for more info on this debilitating female illness.
Ron21 - 15 years ago
Dear P&NK and Maria,
As I am right with you on this bandwagon, I do firmly believe that the above 16+ year old girls above have been misdirected. Choosing to abstain is a virtue that should be taught at home and imbedded in their personal set of values. Divorce was thrown around in the argument very freely and what I find comical is that most of the peope who choose to wait until marriage are have the same set of values about divorce...and that is...that it is NOT an option unless ALL else fails.
Ultimately having respect for yourself and your own body and elders would make it more possible for young girls to stick to such a commitment, however that's value that has also diminished.
Best of luck kiddos, hopefully you'll see the light before you go too far! :)
PS: NO I am not old, I'm only 25, I was just blessed raised by terrific parents.
Maria - 15 years ago
My husband and I waited until marriage to have sex..it was difficult many times to wait but there are many practical benefits we experience that I am thankful for...For one, only being with one another sexually we do not have underlying insecurities about being compared. Secondly, as statistics show, it is true that couples who wait have lower infidelity in marriage. In other words, knowing that we were both committed to waiting until marriage for sex, we trust one another more because we know that we both can keep a commitment to a principal. Thirdly, we haven't had to wade through years of baggage many have from broken promises, feeling used or sexually transmitted diseases...We haven't had abortions, unwaited children or children out of wedlock.
Many people feel different about this subject. Some feel the same about being only with your spouse but could not keep the commitment. They are probably the ones that will lash out more about people who chose to wait and actually keep their commitment.
For those thinking about waiting, think of this...at any time you can go sleep with a number of people but you can never take it back...and those who didn't wait will never know the blessings or security of a marriage where you share your whole heart and soul with one person. Instead of getting mad and lashing out at us for the gift we were able to give someone, just acknowlege it is a gift. I would say the divorce rate comes more from those that start having sex young and by the time they are married they have given a special part of themselves with so many people there is little left to give. thank you
P&NK - 15 years ago
We have been husband and wife for 5 Years Now. We waited until we were married to have sex. Actually, in making out during engagement, we came closer to that fence than we'd now like to admit, but that is how we knew it was time to get married and we are the closest, happiest couple I know! We are so glad we saved ourselves for eachother. Our marriage grows stronger and stronger & we even work together as wedding photographers with two toddlers! Finances go up and down sometimes, communication is something you always work on... we don't think the divorce rate is because people waited to have sex until marriage... we think it is letting financial hardship take a toll (not trusting in God to provide for you - He's always provided for our needs!), lifestyle purity in general after marriage (keeping yourself apart from other intimate relationships in act or speech or thought... excessive music, tv, drinking... plays a role in this - we've felt it helps us to limit these areas of our life), lack of communication (probably the most common issue), giving up to soon (not asking for help from the right people when things start turning stale or sour), etc. Basically, people blame saving themselves for marriage for divorce, when in accuality there is most likely another underlying problem! Agree or don't agree with us, but we'll remain happily married due to loving eachother unconditionally and working on things the right way when we do have an issue. Marriage takes work, but it's so wonderful!
Kele - 15 years ago
Anne,
Ask anyone: Just because you wait until marriage to have sex does NOT mean you won't get pregnant early or get an STD. Despite what you may have been told, you don't have to have sex to contact a disease. Sometimes, just skin on skin contact is all that is necessary, and it doesn't have to be genital contact. Herpes virus causes cold sores, etc.
Also, while I understand your view point, and can respect it, please be aware that your perceived jealousy over someone's sexual past could very well "rule out" some wonderful people you could possibly have a great future with. Knowing "where other girls have been and then on my guy" doesn't mean he's unclean. Ultimately, if he's with you, it's because he respects you and WANTS to be there. You should respect him right on back and love him for committing to you the way he will if you ever have a sexual relationship. Don't sell yourself short.
Anne - 15 years ago
Well, firstly i am gonna wait till my wedding night. I am waiting because I dont want to have a baby at 17, or get a std... or any of thoses stupid things...I am having fun right now, and to me sex is between man and wife. I dont want to know where other girls have been and then on my guy! come on how sick is that... ew...
Amanda - 15 years ago
Divorce may be up but it doesn't make it ok to put all of your beliefs to the wind. You don't have to believe what somebody else does but it doesn't make them wrong for feeling differently. And unfortunately studies have shown that sex does help in relatioships only to give both partners a false sense of being in love.
kristy - 15 years ago
you know im 16 right now, and when i was younger everyone preached to me about how you should wait for marriage...i wasn't a slut but i knew i wasn't going to wait. To me sex is something you share with someone you love, and thats what i did. i dont regret it at all. And you know Anna how you say you want to give your husband everything you have. well lets see divorce rate is about 50% right now so what if you get divorce, and then get remarried? To me if your going to have sex before marriage (which i do think it helps alot in a relationship to have sex, or sexual things) at least make sure its to someone you love
Anna - 15 years ago
when I was 16 my mom told me that I should always conduct myself in a way that I could be proud of later, then she told me that she had sex before marriage and it was one of her biggest mistakes. I can't waite to get married and have kids but if I never get married, I'm never having sex. period and full stop. after you have sex with someone you've sold a little part of your heat, and how can you expect your husband to love you with all of his heart if you havent given him all of yours? I am seventeen and have never been kissed, in fact I have never been asked out on a date! And I'm fine with that because the guys that I would date would be dating to marry.
Danielle - 15 years ago
47% are waiting until marriage? riiiiiiiiiiiiiight
Ronnie - 15 years ago
This poll is cracking me up. 46% waiting for marriage? Maybe that explains the high divorce rate!
People say they wait to have sex with the person they love, but if you love them, then why don't you marry them? I mean, if it's love you shouldn't worry about much of the stuff they marriage brings if you love the person and they love you back. But in reality, most of the cases, it isn't love that you gave your virginity up for. Why do it for that fake love? Also, if a person says that sex is simply the physical part of a relationship and doesn't have any emotional connection, well that's just bull. Tell that to the all the women who have gotten raped. They're physical scars are healed, but their emotional ones aren't. Sex is a powerful thing, and it's not ment to be tossed around.
ps. I have met much more people who have regretted having sex than people who regretted no having sex.
I have been with my boyfriend for several years. Not having sex with has made him love and respect me fully. The girls he has been with before, he has slept with and the relationships have not lasted more than a few months. In a way, you could say that he has changed.
FACT: a guy is more likely to cheat on you if he has slept with you before marriage as he has already got the one thing he wants from you.
God has said no sex before marriage NOT to deny you but to save you from many issues - infidelity, unwanted pregnancies, sexual diseases. Your body is a temple of the holy spirit. Don't abuse it.
My friends that have done it before (guys and girls) have all said that sex is over-hyped. Once they did it, they thought "is that it!?"
I waited to have sex until I was several things: A. old enough and mature enough to behave responsibly before, during, and after sex, B. In a committed, monogamous relationship with someone whom I love and trust, and C. able to have open, honest, and mature discussions with my boyfriend about our sexual histories, what is okay and what isn't, etc. I consider myself a woman of high moral fiber. I have a strong faith in God. I do believe society today is oversexualized--sex is looked at far too casually. But at the same time, it is demonized by the other side of the issue. I will be able to tell my future children that I made a smart decision by waiting until I was mature, in love, and comfortable before I had sex, but NOT necessarily married.
Premarital sex affects marriage in a negative way far more than abstinence. Think about all the emotional baggage someone carries in his/her marriage.
Hi I'm 23 and proud to say I'm still a virgin. Waiting doesn't guarantee a marriage will last forever. Waiting to have sex after marriage is a personal choice that may or may not have to do with religion. For me its a little bit of both. I think so many people have premarital sex because we see it everywhere and we are constantly exposed to it. We let our curiosity get the best of us and sometimes we end up dissapointed. It is hard to wait to have sex after marriage, but it also depends on how committed you are to your decision.
55% people say they are waiting until marriage 50% divorce rate...coincidence? maybe, maybe not
I'm a wiccan my choice to save sex for my husband was not due to religious belifes as in my religion it's not demanded. However i'm 21 years old and I am very comfortable with the choice i have made. I have a fience who while he did have a few sexual relationships before we met has respected that I want to wait and has stayed with me for a little over 2 years, and has also respected that i would like to finish my degree before planning a wedding. I would like to respond to the comments in which people state that it's only because of religous views that people choose to abstain that is just not so. I didn't want to get pregnant or get an std thats not difficult to avoid if you don't have sex.
Good for you all those that waited and are waiting to have sex before getting married! That is awesome! I am a chastity educator and I go into schools and talk to kids about chastity and saving themselves for marriage. You would not believe how many kids are relieved to hear that you are allowed to wait! In today's society kids are told you have to have sex in order to fit in but that is just not true! And this is not just for kids, but for adults of all ages. And there is so much research out there to support this (just look it up, research it, make sure you go to reputable sites, be smart in your research, don't just take anyone's opinion - not even mine!). There are so many benefits to practicing chastity!
If a person waits until marriage to have sex (either by being a virgin or making a commitment to renewed chastity/secondary virginity), that person will experience greater physical, mental, financial and social benefits than those who do not wait until marriage (again, I got this from researching). Leading a chaste lifestyle makes all the good qualities in a person even better. Chastity gives you the opportunity to develop more self-control and self-discipline because it takes these qualities to lead a chaste lifestyle. These qualities alone will help a person throughout their life and have tremendous benefits in the future (financially, mentally, physically). Developing more self-control and self-discipline also leads to more faithful marriages and better relationships with friends and family (again taken from the latest research). Be smart, keep your pants on! There are STD's that are spread just from skin to skin contact so you don't even have to have sex to get one of these STDs (HPV being one of them - the leading cause of cervical cancer).
And for those of you who say you are having sex outside of marriage and do not have any regrets, that is fine for you to say now and that may be for the rest of your life. But you do not know the consequences of your actions now. You don't know how it will affect your future - you may end up with an STD, you may affect your future fertility (you may end up infertile so if you ever decide to have kids in the future you will be unable to by your own means), and you may also regret it when you do have children of your own one day and have to look them in the eyes and tell them about the things you regret. Or you may not have any regrets - but you just cannot know right now for absolute certain that you will not regret an unmarried sexual decision you made right now.
My husband and I both waited to have sex until marriage (including anything like oral, etc.), and while I know it is not the mainstream or popular thing to do, I wouldn't change it for anything. We waited until we had fully committed to each other, after dating for a long time and when we were sure of what we wanted. Once we made that commitment official, we didn't look back, and have just worked hard to make our marriage work. We were able to give our whole selves to each other. I personally feel that it has made our marriage that much stronger to know that we are that committed to our values and to each other. I can honestly say it was worth the wait.
@Dom
You can still contract STD through oral sex Herpes and HPV.
I'm waiting till marriage for sure. Of course, I'm only human, I'll probally will give into oral sex and other kinky things, HA! But I do see it different from real sex, obviously. Divorce and marriage, that's a whole different story, but who really bases their marriage off of sex. If I get divorced, which I hope that I won't, is just a loss, I get it, but then I guess I'll just have to wait till the next time I get married. I'm not gonna risk and STD or getting preggers, and I don't care how much protection is out there, and doesn't always work, and it won't protect me from regret.
I am a 33yr old Female who chooses to wait till marriage. Mainly becuase of my faith and upbringing but even if I remove the faith factor I cannot give myself to someone so completely and they be committed to me. No birth control method is 100% effective and there is always the possibility of pregnancy and not to mention STD. I live in one of the most liberal states in the US and persons tend to watch me as though I am growing horns whenever I say the V word...Capewind don't worry whoever God has in store for you will be revealed to you in His time. I trust Him as well for my partner. I live according to His word and I am not ashamed of my choice to live pure.
Wow...lots of comments both for and against. Let me say from personal experience that waiting until marriage was one of the best decisions we ever made. During our time of courtship, instead of spending time in the sack, we had meaningful conversations about what was important to us. Our time together was limited, as we were both working, single parents, so we spent months getting to know each other. Pre-marital sex oftentimes can cover up serious personality differences. The "afterglow" of sexual activity can cover a multitude of sins, no pun intended. We spent time learning each others hopes, dreams, values, likes, dislikes, etc. It is too easy to overlook differences in potential mates when a sexual relationship starts too early. I would be interested in seeing how many of those divorced had pre-marital sex. I'm betting most if not all. There is a reason God wants us to be in a fully commited relationship (marriage) before engaging in sex. This act is where "two flesh become one" and it is so personal, so giving, emotional attachment (especially on the part of the woman) will doubtlessly be the outcome. Ladies, if you want to know if a guy truly cares for you, don't sleep with him. The shallow ones will flee. The guys worth having will stick around. There are more of us out here. Don't compromise your standards.
Well i would say study does show that people who waited are more likely to have happy marriage than those who did not wait. in fact academic studies show that the more premarital partners you have the lower your chances of marital satisfaction.
Delaying sex till marriage works for some people. But it's no guarantee of happiness and safety, and it's not for everyone. My parents waited, and they've been happily married for 36 years. My aunt and uncle waited too, but they disagreed over how to raise kids, and while they were mad at each other, he went out and had an affair and then came home and gave my aunt gonorrhea. Now they're talking about divorce as soon as their kids finish high school.
People marry or divorce for many reasons. Loneliness. Depression. Love. Religion. Great sex. No sex. Boredom. Curiosity. Because their parents expect it. Money. Children. Because they can't be bothered to learn how to balance a checkbook, change a tire or do laundry. But one thing is true of all marriages: they take work. Don't get married and expect to stay that way unless you are willing to worry, fight, compromise, learn, change and grow with your partner.
I've had a fantastic, safe sex life with several partners since I started having sex at 23 (and I'm glad I waited till I was old enough for it not to mess with my head too much). I have never been pregnant, remain disease-free, and maintain a rich sexual, intellectual and creative relationship with my best friend who is also the love of my life.
How? I know my own body, how it works, what it needs and how I meet those needs. I only ever had sex when I really wanted to, with people I trusted and knew well, after we'd both gotten fresh STD tests and turned up clean. I track my menstrual cycle (which you should do anyway), take birth control pills, buy condoms. I know where to get emergency contraception if I need it (which I never have). I am comfortable having conversations with my gynecologist.
And I harbor no illusions about sex and love. Sex can certainly make you believe you're in love when you aren't. No, you shouldn't use sex to control people, to make someone stay who otherwise wouldn't. It doesn't work. It is absolutely special and different when you really are in love with your partner. It brings you closer. But it can also be fun when you're just in lust. Lust can lead to love, and continue hand-in-hand with it.
Staying a virgin may seem a lot simpler, but love and chastity alone will not make for successful relationships and a great, safe sex life. To live happily ever after, you still have to use your brain, and take responsibility for your own happiness.
Someone made a comment about people who wait to have sex are the reason for high divorce rates. Well you need to learn to read data that in front of your face. Reread that graph...It says:
43% are waiting meaning they are not married yet
5% who are married did wait
31% stated that they didn't wait
Ok so the 43% of people want have nothing to do with current divorce rate because they aren't married
Now 5% waited....this is a small amount of people...but if you look at statistics christian families and catholic families have lower divorce rates...this is beause they have waited to have sex.
Now look at the people who didn't wait...the numbers were higher than those who did wait now look at divorce rates....which are at 47% I'm seeing a link here.
Dear Maddy i would strongly encourage you to wait because there is a big difference between love and lust.
Love is kind.
Love never fails.
Love always wants to give.
Love is patient, love can wait to have sex in marriage.
Love is something someone wants to do for you.
Lust cares only for itself. It will hurt, deceive, destroy, lie and anything else it has to do to sustain itself.
Lust is something someone wants to do to you.
Lust is not patient; lust can never wait to have sex in marriage.
Lust always wants to take.
I am a Christian and no longer believe in waiting for marriage. Waiting is not right for me being a grad student with no expectation of marriage for at least the next three years, or more. Sex is healthy, natural and safe when proper precautions are taken. Premarital sex doesn't make me any less Christian. The experience that I've acquired being sexually active will make me a better wife and more rounded person.
I have compassion for all the people who's hearts have been ripped out of their chest through having sex before marriage. I don't hold judgement against anyone. Infact I know that there is forgiveness in Jesus Christ!
YOU can start over right now! Jesus loves us HE wants to help us succeed and he will if we let him.
Pray this prayer with me if you would like to recieve Jesus as your Friend,
Lover, Lord, and Savior...
Father I come to you I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God.
I recieve him into my heart. Give me the strength to live for you. Thank you that I am saved I will enter heaven's gates one day my family and I in Jesus Name Amen.
Congradulations you are saved...
This song will encourage you by Hillsong United it's called "Lead Me To The Cross" by Brooke Fraser...check it out on YouTube... see you in this life or in the New Jerusalem!
I'm 22 and waiting until I get married as well.... It's a hard thing to do, especially when every guy I have dated has dumped me becuase I wouldn't give in on the first date, or a few weeks after I've known him. Makes me think maybe I should just have sex in order to actually maintain a relationship, and if the wait is actually worth it. I don't really know what to do. It really does go both ways - once you're married, doesn't mean you can't get a divorce - then you have had sex with this person already. It's hard to trust anyone nowadays.
oh and I don't believe in anyone judging ie people that have had sex mocking us for waiting and treating us like we're weird because its not "mainstream" or its considered old fashioned etc. And I don't believe in people with my values judging others.
Everyone should just respect eachother as long as you're a good person. It is very hard to live this life so try to be nice to people especially when you're attractive female and get lots of offers - it doesn't mean we're robots and don't have desires. We just try to live true to our principles and that takes strength especially in a world full of temptation.
hi,
I'm waiting till marriage i'm 28 and i'm finding it harder to do so as the years go on. The last relationship I loved the guy but after 8 months it cracked between us and I was relieved I didn't sleep with him even though I was tempted to on many occasions. Your partner if they really love you and want to marry you will wait around if not then good luck to them. I did feel insecure as well that he was comparing me to his ex as he had sexual relationships. Its a difficult situation hope I meet the right one soon.
I'm a 34 year old guy and have been waiting for marriage. Problem is that I haven't found that right person yet and I am getting a bit worried. After all the pool of available women I have to choose from (assuming I remain in my age cohort) generally have a great deal of relationship and sexual experience (not to mention the possiblility of having possibly had children or another marriage already) and If I look to date someone much younger, there may be generational issues I have to deal with. I actually don't know what to do.
I am deffinatly waiting until i am married. Its a huge deal to me and many girls. I want to give all of myself to my husband and i want to be able to tell him "I cared enough to wait." It is also clearly in the bible that sex should be kept between husband and wife. Ive heard sex is overated and im sure it is so i will just wait until im married and it will be much more special. There is always an awesome guy out there looking for a "good girl" so why not wait. Also i know MANY people who really regret it, I want to live with as little regret as possible. but hey its your life do with is as you wish.
I have sex with my boyfriend, and we're not married. Sex is wonderful. It's how we finish arguments, it's how we celebrate things, it's how we have a good time and it's how we cheer each other up. I love him, he loves me. We're not dirty, we don't have STDs, I've never been pregnant. We're emotionally secure in our relationship. I used to dislike my body, as did he, but having sex with each other has made us more secure in ourselves. Don't fight your natural instincts. Have sex.
There is nothing wrong with having sex before you are married. Choosing not to have sex before you are married is somewhat contrived and arbitrary. You are making this up to fit in with your religion . You follow none of the other rules.
Do not confuse having sex before you are married with promiscuity. Do not get married just to have sex. This is a bad situation. And please use a condom regardless.
Because Of My Relious Belief, I'm Waiting Until I'm Married! All The Type Of Girls I Been Around Didn't Though. So I Can't Say I've Had A GF Since The Type I Been Around Have Never Been What I'm Looking For.
P.S.
Girls If You Think It's Only Unattractive Guys That Can't Get No Action, YOU'RE WRONG! Cuz That's Me ---> http://www.yourchristianspace.com/MOS3S Am I Ugly??? LOL
well, for me it's really important for to save and wait until you get married I get married to my lovely husband 4 yrs ago, I save my own until for my husband. if the guy to respected you that mean either your married will last longer, what ever you do right now for your self, in the future your Kids will do the same. the value and mortal of yourself it a piece of GOld. your kids will respected to you more.
WELL I DONT HAVE DICK..I THINK. LOOK DIZ WUT HAPPENED WHEN I WUZ A BABY THE DOC. WUZ SUPPOSE 2 CIRCUMCISE ME N THA MUTHA FUCKA CUT 2 MUCH OFF...SO NOW IM WALKIN AROUND MY JOBB WIT A 1 INCH DICK. I STILL GONNA PURSUE MY DREAM AS A PORN STAR.
I have the disease Vulvodynia so sex with my bf and soon to be spouse isnt even an option . Sobs
Go to http://www.nva.org for more info on this debilitating female illness.
Dear P&NK and Maria,
As I am right with you on this bandwagon, I do firmly believe that the above 16+ year old girls above have been misdirected. Choosing to abstain is a virtue that should be taught at home and imbedded in their personal set of values. Divorce was thrown around in the argument very freely and what I find comical is that most of the peope who choose to wait until marriage are have the same set of values about divorce...and that is...that it is NOT an option unless ALL else fails.
Ultimately having respect for yourself and your own body and elders would make it more possible for young girls to stick to such a commitment, however that's value that has also diminished.
Best of luck kiddos, hopefully you'll see the light before you go too far! :)
PS: NO I am not old, I'm only 25, I was just blessed raised by terrific parents.
My husband and I waited until marriage to have sex..it was difficult many times to wait but there are many practical benefits we experience that I am thankful for...For one, only being with one another sexually we do not have underlying insecurities about being compared. Secondly, as statistics show, it is true that couples who wait have lower infidelity in marriage. In other words, knowing that we were both committed to waiting until marriage for sex, we trust one another more because we know that we both can keep a commitment to a principal. Thirdly, we haven't had to wade through years of baggage many have from broken promises, feeling used or sexually transmitted diseases...We haven't had abortions, unwaited children or children out of wedlock.
Many people feel different about this subject. Some feel the same about being only with your spouse but could not keep the commitment. They are probably the ones that will lash out more about people who chose to wait and actually keep their commitment.
For those thinking about waiting, think of this...at any time you can go sleep with a number of people but you can never take it back...and those who didn't wait will never know the blessings or security of a marriage where you share your whole heart and soul with one person. Instead of getting mad and lashing out at us for the gift we were able to give someone, just acknowlege it is a gift. I would say the divorce rate comes more from those that start having sex young and by the time they are married they have given a special part of themselves with so many people there is little left to give. thank you
We have been husband and wife for 5 Years Now. We waited until we were married to have sex. Actually, in making out during engagement, we came closer to that fence than we'd now like to admit, but that is how we knew it was time to get married and we are the closest, happiest couple I know! We are so glad we saved ourselves for eachother. Our marriage grows stronger and stronger & we even work together as wedding photographers with two toddlers! Finances go up and down sometimes, communication is something you always work on... we don't think the divorce rate is because people waited to have sex until marriage... we think it is letting financial hardship take a toll (not trusting in God to provide for you - He's always provided for our needs!), lifestyle purity in general after marriage (keeping yourself apart from other intimate relationships in act or speech or thought... excessive music, tv, drinking... plays a role in this - we've felt it helps us to limit these areas of our life), lack of communication (probably the most common issue), giving up to soon (not asking for help from the right people when things start turning stale or sour), etc. Basically, people blame saving themselves for marriage for divorce, when in accuality there is most likely another underlying problem! Agree or don't agree with us, but we'll remain happily married due to loving eachother unconditionally and working on things the right way when we do have an issue. Marriage takes work, but it's so wonderful!
Anne,
Ask anyone: Just because you wait until marriage to have sex does NOT mean you won't get pregnant early or get an STD. Despite what you may have been told, you don't have to have sex to contact a disease. Sometimes, just skin on skin contact is all that is necessary, and it doesn't have to be genital contact. Herpes virus causes cold sores, etc.
Also, while I understand your view point, and can respect it, please be aware that your perceived jealousy over someone's sexual past could very well "rule out" some wonderful people you could possibly have a great future with. Knowing "where other girls have been and then on my guy" doesn't mean he's unclean. Ultimately, if he's with you, it's because he respects you and WANTS to be there. You should respect him right on back and love him for committing to you the way he will if you ever have a sexual relationship. Don't sell yourself short.
Well, firstly i am gonna wait till my wedding night. I am waiting because I dont want to have a baby at 17, or get a std... or any of thoses stupid things...I am having fun right now, and to me sex is between man and wife. I dont want to know where other girls have been and then on my guy! come on how sick is that... ew...
Divorce may be up but it doesn't make it ok to put all of your beliefs to the wind. You don't have to believe what somebody else does but it doesn't make them wrong for feeling differently. And unfortunately studies have shown that sex does help in relatioships only to give both partners a false sense of being in love.
you know im 16 right now, and when i was younger everyone preached to me about how you should wait for marriage...i wasn't a slut but i knew i wasn't going to wait. To me sex is something you share with someone you love, and thats what i did. i dont regret it at all. And you know Anna how you say you want to give your husband everything you have. well lets see divorce rate is about 50% right now so what if you get divorce, and then get remarried? To me if your going to have sex before marriage (which i do think it helps alot in a relationship to have sex, or sexual things) at least make sure its to someone you love
when I was 16 my mom told me that I should always conduct myself in a way that I could be proud of later, then she told me that she had sex before marriage and it was one of her biggest mistakes. I can't waite to get married and have kids but if I never get married, I'm never having sex. period and full stop. after you have sex with someone you've sold a little part of your heat, and how can you expect your husband to love you with all of his heart if you havent given him all of yours? I am seventeen and have never been kissed, in fact I have never been asked out on a date! And I'm fine with that because the guys that I would date would be dating to marry.
47% are waiting until marriage? riiiiiiiiiiiiiight
This poll is cracking me up. 46% waiting for marriage? Maybe that explains the high divorce rate!