Would you turn Phil's page? Be tough. Share insights with a comment.

2 Comments

  • Margaret Hall - 15 years ago

    I would turn to the next page, it promises suspense. My only negative feeling is that I would hold back on the too descriptive language. Sometimes simple is best.

  • GeoTex - 15 years ago

    -- If this is leading us to suspense/action, it is over-written. For example, leave out Appealingly, Pleasurable, Scent-Senses, Pavlovian.
    -- If you are inviting us to enjoy your writing craft, the description needs more work/detail.
    -- Overall, I got the impression this piece will have a cookbook plot with half hearted adjectives scattered about, so was not interested in turning the page.

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